My time here in the city has drawn to a close. This real city. So many of the places I’ve lived in before had an impermanence to them, a brief scratch in the history books, but not here. This place is going to keep going and going for a long time, well after I’m gone.
One of the most striking aspects of my exodus is the sense of nostalgia.The myriad of things that define the city I observe and experience with a richness that I can’t keep up on a regular basis. The creak and whine of the subway, riding the bus with 40 people from 14 different countries, the random exchanges with strangers, the barber who tells me his inane theories on life and love, the inch thick wad of napkins I’m given with any takeout meal no matter how small the serving, the terrible trash, the haunting light that bathes everything in a noir coat, the random parks that offer refuge from the city, smirking subtly to myself as others obsessively push the ‘door close’ button in elevators, the insistence in double bagging even the lightest of items purchased from a deli, the strange sleep I find myself in the summer where waking up early with the sunrise is no problem when the air is a mild preview of the oppressive humidity on it’s way… All of it will be missed. Annoying. expensive, inconvenient, but still a damn good city
Now I’m in the land of comfort and consumption. It’s not all that bad and I’m trying to distract myself by making things but it’s not the same. The grass will always be greener … and I know I’ll have chances to visit, but it’s not the same. Maybe that’s okay though, I feel proud of the bravery the city gave me and I’ll try to remember its lessons wherever I go. I wish I left on better terms, I wish I hadn’t destroyed so much in my ignorance, that I could of prevented so much pain and suffering, been wiser and more open, but I learn slowly and I’m sorry for not being better.
Goodbye city of arrogance and accomplishment, fury and drama, repetition and surprises. You were a great chapter and possibly my favorite setting.
2 weeks ago